232: Kakadu national park, Kakadu, Australia, from the 1000 places to see before you die book

It was time to get some Aussie into me, a bit of bush tucker, some colloquial humour, a guide called Henry and a drag queen called Priscilla. And so started a leg into the bush, the “back of beyond”, “as far as the crow flies” as the Aussies would so and so, clicking my heels, I sped down the red dirt road to Kakadu National Park in the Northern Territory of Australia.

Darwin harbour

Stepping off point for the bush is the northernmost city in Australia, Darwin, which was a once backwater town but now is a thriving metropolis due to the hundreds of thousands of tourist arriving here to launch themselves into the outback. 

A magical Darwin sunset

Armed with their Crocodile Dundee movies, their Akubras and gory tales of all the deaths by salties (that’s salt water crocodiles for the uninitiated in Aussie tongue),  the tourists pile into trucks and zip around the gorges and waterfalls while choking on red dust and struggling to understand their guides who have become charactures of Hoges (that’s Paul Hogan from Crocodile Dundee fame).

The guide- Henry

A dip in the rock pool- chilly!

First stop was a quick dip at Litchfield national park while the guide sorted out who was who in the crew. We had the usual assortment….a retired couple who renovated gramophones, a tourist couple from somewhere cold in the Netherlands, a Japanese guy who barely spoke English after spending his gap year working in the meat department of a supermarket cutting bones and a few singles to keep the guide happy!!

My Dominican Republic nail polish fresh from the islands added a touch of glamour

Then we headed off to see the termite mounds. The largest are known as magnetic termites, so called as they build their structures in a north-south line so they don’t get hit by the full rays of the sun all day. Quite impressive, it was nonetheless obvious that the park rangers had been through with a whipper snipper to cut the head height grass down so you could see the structures. “Ticked the termites off mate losing their tucker for tourists like you” Henry mumbled out of his shaggy sideburns as he rested his khaki clad arse on the dust.

the field of termite mounds

After that, and quite a few more hours of driving,  was a highly enjoyable boat cruise on one of the Alligator rivers. The young captain was clearly on the pull and told us a number of jokes all centered around who was single  (two) and then cross referenced this as to which of those were travelling with their mothers (none). We were no doubt going to experience a nocturnal visit from him at the nearby permanent camp where we were spending the night. But first, while Henry threw a line in the river to catch a barra (barramundi fish is a great fighting fish and wonderful to eat), we boarded the boat for a 2 hour cruise to learn more about the wetlands in this area of Australia.

Close up of another first eagle

Fish eagle

Egret on the banks

Giant lily pads festoon the water and pandanas line the edge

A "freshie" a fresh water crocodile

A jesus bird....because it walks on water

One of the greatest concentrations of saltwater crocodiles in the southern hemisphere exists on the Mary River. Some 3000 alone the guide estimated were in the river we were going up and "you'd survive about a minute then its glug, glug, glug" he joyfully told us. Salties have a rather vicious way of grabbing their victims then rolling them down in the water until they drown. They then park the body under a ledge to rot before they start eating it. Gruesome!! Each year people die from these killers- however the parks do a good job of checking each of the billabongs (water holes) at the start and continually through the season to see if salties have encroached into these spaces. Tests include baiting a trap, leaving foam balls on the surface and checking for teeth marks and night checks of shining a torch over the water to see if there are any red eyes.

A "saltie" basks in the sun

Saltie

He was probably right about only lasting a minute in the water- salties can grow up to 20 feet long- so you wouldn't stand much of a chance if one took you.

Flood plains

That night it was camping and I have to admit to feeling a touch of Australian nostalgia at my first night in the bush for over thirty years. After throwing our gear in a permanent tent each we hit the canteen to prepare the first night’s meal- chicken tikka followed by the very Australian camping staple- canned peaches and custard. Later we dragged wood over to a campfire and sat around it, the boat captain now singing Bridge over Troubled Water on his guitar and a few oddballs from the group banging wood with sticks to accompany him. Thankfully the Jap didn't know much english so we weren't treated to the screech of karaoke as well.

Permanent tent

Crawling into my sleeping bag I fell asleep to the twinkling of far planets as the milky way awoke above my head and the bush gently shook with the thump of wallabies as they negotiated themselves around in the darkness.

Dawn slowly pushed its fat fingers through the pooling fog as we arose, kicked the dying embers and stuck the kettle on to boil. A spoonbill lazily flapped its way to the river bank to catch fish while the crocs moved into positions of sun to warm up. Nursing the after effects of the vicious Bundaberg Rum, the tourists were the next wildlife to enter the scene- stumbling into the mess hall to eat cornflakes, toast and coffee before we departed into Kakadu National Park.

This UNESCO world heritage site covers an area some 20,000 square km, in a 200 by 100 kilometres patch of nirvana- thats half the size of Switzerland. Oddly for a national park it also contains one of the world’s richest uranium mines.

The diversity of the region is quite astounding- four major rivers, six major landforms from tidal flats to large stone formations, 280 bird species, 60 mammal species, 50 freshwater species, 10 000 insects species and over 1600 plant species. That’s pre the great invasion of the cane toad figures whose carcasses litter the roads after being splat by the trucks or dropped from on high by the kites who then feast on their roasted split stomachs on the bitumen.

The living room ledge

First stop was to look at some Aboriginal rock paintings. “Pretty special living room” said Henry our guide while looking at a large rock depicting about 40 artworks overhanging a three foot by ten foot ledge where the Aboriginals would have slept until the Australian government moved them into housing.

The "special" living room

Largely owned now by the Aboriginal people who have occupied the Kakadu area continuously for at least 40 000 years, and leased back to the government for tourism purposes, Kakadu National Park has more 5000 Aboriginal art sites albeit only a small handful are open for white folks.

Up close- painting of a hunter

Painting of a long necked tortoise

Look out in Kakadu

The Kakadu plains

From there back in the truck to head to another gorge a couple of hours drive away and another quick dip. 

We had to climb all the way down

rock wallaby

Swim time

The next night saw us sleeping outside in swags,  those quintessential Australian sleeping bags made out of a waterproof outer covering replete with a hoodie to go over your face to keep the rain out. Weighing about 8 kilos and rather cumbersome it was hard to imagine that there were still people walking around today living rough in the bush in their swag. Morning started early with the calls of the kookaburra bird while Henry handed around tea- describing it as "a bit of a mongrel brew".

Getting turfed out of my swag by Henry in the morning

A last billy (cup of tea)

And then onto another long truck journey and another short boat trip to another gorge

Followed by a one hour hike into Jim Jim Falls

And then for some humour. Id purchased a 70's outfit in America and, replete with a blue wig and a bunch of leaves wrapped in foil, on the last day I recreated that infamous shot from "Priscilla- Queen of the Desert."

Even Henry got into his drag side and had a shot

Worthwhile inclusion in the 1000 places to see before you die book...definately yes!